Two months ago, I watched Jurassic Park all the way through for the first time since I was a kid. I know I’m not the only Xennial profoundly impacted by the kitchen scene because this XKCD exists. But I put off watching the movie because I had a recurring nightmare about the raptors that is, in retrospect, hilarious.
One of my stress nightmares for the longest time involved a prowl of raptors chasing me through the abandoned halls of my middle school, only to corner me in the library. There, barricading books and furniture against the door, with the school librarian insisting there was nothing outside, the Queen V would invariably post up outside the sidelight, fogging the glass.
Except, instead of exhaling, she’d be saying the snide things my bully would say to me. But she didn’t sound like my bully. Nope. She sounded like . . . Mickey Mouse. Imagine, if you will, a velociraptor opening its mouth and “Loser, loser, double-loser,” etc. squeaking out, accompanied by the hand choreography of this taunt, except the hands are freaking raptor claws trying to make the L-shapes. And the librarian could neither see nor hear her, much like how my teachers never seemed to witness any of the ways this girl was openly terrorizing me IRL by pulling my hair, tripping me, spitting in my food, snipping curls off my ponytail, etc.
The subconscious is an incredible place.
So anyway, that’s why I haven’t seen any of the sequels either—what’s that? We can’t move on yet? Yeah, I guess I did kind of drop some ridiculous lore a second ago.
Yes, I’ve been through a lot of therapy. Yes, I’m (mostly) fine. No, I don’t have this specific nightmare anymore, although at one point when I was working at a firm in NYC where a woman who made partner in the Clinton administration was actively sabotaging the careers of women attorneys barely out of law school because we were “too soft,” my brain did helpfully update the identity of the velociraptor leader. She even wore a pantsuit.
So. Yeah.
Somehow, I got it in my head that the raptors are the mean girls of Jurassic Park. And you better believe that I am not about whatever character rehabilitation the Crisp Rat movies seem to be up to according to their trailers. (I kid. As a Girl’s Girl, who wouldn’t want to hang out with a clique of Clever Girls? Maybe the Jurassic Park sequels don’t go far enough—maybe the franchise should be touting Clever Girl Supremacy across all species. If they already are, that’s great news. I look forward to watching those films whenever/if ever I get around to them.)
Okay, back to the Jurassic Park liveblog!
I blogged about it on BlueSky back in July and had a great time immersing myself in the movie magic—emphasis on magic because this film is an exquisitely constructed magic trick from start to finish. Before I jump in, I’ve edited the liveblog down a little for clarity and because some of the posts will be better as a separate newsletter entry with visuals to illustrate the elements that had the antiquarian in me bouncing up and down like a kid who ate their way through a candy store.
As always, I’d love to hear from you about the movie and, of course, about any films that have stuck with you. And now, without further (much) ado (about nothing), Ye Olde Liveblog about Jurassic Park (1993):
Let’s watch the 1993 classic, Jurassic Park. 🧵
It has been at least two decades since I last watched this start to finish. I forgot the film starts with a bar exam fact pattern in an even more nightmarish version of the hacienda system. Poor Jophery.
At the same time, it was foreseeable that standing on the cage might result in injury, so I award a point to Hammond for a contributory negligence defense. (Lol I’m so glad I’m not a tort defense lawyer anymore. Soulless work.)
Jophery getting dragged up and down along the corner of the cage is just the detachable thumb trick on a larger scale. It’s brilliant. I love it. Plus it reminds me of that poor girl getting whipped around in Jaws.
Now we have a lawyer in a hilariously impractical and beautifully tailored suit. Let’s please bring this style of suiting back for gents. It’s very zoot suit coded and we could use some of that gangster energy to respond to government overreach right about now
Did they film the mine interior in the queue for the Indiana Jones ride at Disney? Because it kinda feels that way.
“He’s a digger” is top notch exposition. 10/10 no notes
Grant and Sattler are adorable. I ship them like FedEx in time for Christmas
This whole scene with the computer is a masterclass in exposition. We learn the key details about Grant, Sattler, and our two main dino adversaries: the velociraptor and the T-Rex. Chef’s kiss.
Am I the only one who feels a little bad for this kid Grant is about to read for filth (and traumatize)?
Honestly, the way this movie handles expository dialogue is ridiculous. You learn almost everything you need to about Hammond in the trailer with him helping himself to the bubbly, bribing the good doctors with an offer to fund their dig in exchange for an endorsement, & withholding the critical info that a man died!
Crucially, the dialogue rarely feels tortured or clunky and every character feels three dimensional. It’s sad that Jurassic Park feels notable as an exception by offering well-drawn characters and writing
It’s NEWman! Wayne Night is having a blast as Nedry. I fully buy that he’s a self-serving POS and I love watching him be a slime ball.
Question though: that whistling sound—do y’all think that’s Nedry or the Barbasol can, because I’m 50/50.
LAWD HAMMERCY it should be illegal for anyone to look like Jeff Goldblum does as Malcolm. Square jaw. Piercing eyes. That sensuous mouth. What. The. Fuck. I’m sorry, but if I’m Sattler, I. Am. Sat. On that man’s lap immediately.
lol at Grant’s seatbelt being two female ends that are still able to, uh, find a way. Brilliant foreshadowing, I can’t believe I never noticed that before.
Has anyone survived a drinking game where you take a shot everyone time Hammond says they spared no expense? It’s giving defensive, buddy. Tone it down
Quick shout out for the score here. The magic and adventure would not be half as impactful without Williams’ work
Our cast is riding to the visitor’s center from the helipad and I’ve got a suspension of disbelief problem: you’re tellin’ me that you’ve got three brilliant doctors of philosophy in this Jeep and not one of them asks why the hell the gates are powered with 10,000 volts? It’s not like Hammond told anyone a man died or even that there are dinos at the Park. Shit’s sus.
The CGI of the brachiosaur still looks incredible. It’s obvious there’s some green screen work, but the detail is gorgeous and Neill and Dern really sell it.
Grant’s reaction to the brachiosaurus is the same reaction I have to a fondue fountain at a party: reverent gratitude and awe.
“We have a T-Rex! 🤓” Sir. Why!?
I need to pause for a second to talk about the subtle visual storytelling of the visitor’s center. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the entrance is a post-modernist take on Ancient Egyptian entryways evoking the Nubian monuments from Abu Simbel and Philae—also temples to grandeur (and hubris). There’s a visual man-as-god theme at work here to buttress the narrative of the text and metatext. Perfection.
DI-no DEE en ayyyyyy
I was an Eyewitness Books and Zoobooks kid, so when the ride narrator said the scientists used frog DNA, I got shushed telling my mom that was a bad idea. Later, when BD Wong says all the dinos are female I got shushed again for “not if they used West African frogs.”
6 yo me: 1
JP scientists: 0
Thirty years later and I’m still salty about it. I’ll probably die mad about it.
I’m sorry, these people froze the ride by very easily lifting the lap belts? How is NO ONE bothered by this? Gennaro is terrible at his job. He should have hired a health and safety inspector instead of Jeff Goldblum, no matter how brilliant he might be
Now I’m thinking about the malpractice suit these investors have against Gennaro’s firm and how all the survivors would be called as witnesses. Forget making Jurassic Park XIII: Alien v. Proceratosaurus or whatever the hell Universal is up to now. I want a shareholder derivative courtroom drama with its genesis in a wrongful death suit
Oh god, why did I start this movie this late at night? I’m beat. Alright, I’ve got maybe another fifteen minutes in me, then I’ll pick up the rest of the flick later this week
These practical effects in the egg room are stunning, just stunning! Great CG is impressive, don’t get me wrong, but I would love to see a return to marrying puppetry, miniatures, painted backgrounds, and CGI. It’s an unbeatable combination
“All vertebrate embryos are inherently female. They just require an extra hormone given at the right developmental stage to make them male. We simply deny them that.”
“The kind of control you’re attempting is not possible.” Not BD Wong/Jeff Goldblum schooling the transphobes on basic reproductive biology!
Grant’s face when he realizes they bred raptors is exquisite. If it wasn’t already clear from Grant roleplaying disemboweling that child at the dig site, the raptors are being set up as the more dangerous of the two antagonists relative to the T-Rex.
I have ACME anvils on my eyes, so I’m going to turn in, but I’ll be back tomorrow night.
Aaaaand we’re back! The cut from Grant handling the raptor to standing outside the raptor enclosure has me cackling. How on earth are visitors who take the tour supposed to see the raptors—is this a pay-extra situation? Who can afford this other than people with Titan submersible money?
“Our gourmet chef, Alejandro” is the perfect example of how budgets are moral documents. Hammond “spared no expense” for all the trappings of luxury, but cut corners for the safety that makes luxury possible, probably because he’s never been unsafe so he takes safety for granted. Sound familiar?
I remember feeling bad for this cow as a kid. A few years ago I learned about how cows are slaughtered and, well, the raptor pen might be more humane.
Isn’t it rather strange that Hammond is desperate for Sattler and Grant to see the rest of the Park, but with the raptors, he keeps trying to get everyone back to the visitor’s center for lunch? Yet no one notices this and clocks that it is incongruous? That it might be significant in some way?
From a story-telling perspective, keeping what happens to this cow off-screen is really smart. It feels like Spielberg learned from Jaws how effective it was to see Bruce sparingly and I just think that’s neat.
Muldoon being a literal game warden from Kenya supervising a bunch of Black and brown people on a terror hacienda while Hammond traipses around in his little linen safari suit is all so colonialist and I don’t know what to say other than of course! Of course a white British man would cook this up
Muldoon’s legs, good lord. Could we, as a people, agree that shit started going downhill when it became taboo for men to flash some sexy knee? Let’s bring back shorter shorts for gents and get that thigh meat back on display, the way god intended.
“They’re astonishing jumpers” whereupon Hammond pivots to convincing Sattler the viewing platform is safe like there aren’t trees in the enclosure they could hop onto! Also he KNEW they had a powerful jump, yet set up the crate to gate system with a flaw? The Ancient Greeks would love this guy.
This big raptor that killed off the pride . . . at what point would you abandon raptors as an exhibit, because it sounds like Hammond had HUNDREDS of opportunities to come back to reality, yet here we are
Back in the visitor’s center, the cast is having dinner. “We can charge whatever we want.” Gennaro’s clients ARE that Titan submersible guy
It’s understated, but I really like these 1993 PowerPoint slides behind Gennaro and Hammond in the restaurant, while they talk about profitability, only for a faceless brown man to frown at them before plonking down their plates of Chilean sea bass. Again, top-notch visual storytelling
I don’t know who else they considered for Malcolm, but I can’t imagine anyone but Jeff Goldblum playing him at this point. His line delivery is flawless. An arrogant man lecturing other arrogant men on arrogance, and it works because Malcolm earned his arrogance and doesn’t wield it dangerously
This colloquy about discovery is what I was getting at with Hammond’s whole vibe being colonialist (and imperialist). It’s about dominion, subjugation, and control—the most toxic parts of capitalism. (And we’re living the logical end of a politics of subjugation right now! I wish we had a T-Rex.)
“The only one I’ve got on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer.” SHOULDN’T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING!?
Hammond’s grandkids have arrived! If Hammond were anything but a white man, someone would have called CPS on his ass for bringing these children into such a dangerous environment.
lol at baby knock-off Natalie Dormer getting excited about a CD-ROM in the tour Jeeps. Remember CD-players in cars? That was the shit.
Here we have another shot of Hammond in his linen safari suit, this time ascending the steps to the visitor’s center and I can’t believe I missed this—I was too distracted by the macrodetail last night to catch that the design of the entrance is more visual metaphor for Hammond’s hubris!
Tim is freaking adorable. Lol at Sattler laughing at Grant’s interaction with Tim and immediately sending Lex to convert him to fatherhood. Also, that look Sattler flashes Grant? You just know these people were out in the dusty mountains getting freaky. Sexual chemistry off the charts. It’s cute
“Why didn’t I build in Orlando?” Because back in 1993 even Republicans believed in OSHA, John.
Aaaaand there is the man himself, Samuel L Jackson!!!! We love to see it.
People smoking indoors, man. I have a lot of nostalgia for the early 90s, but that is one thing I don’t miss
My bad, these are Ford Explorers, not Jeeps. I’m not a car person. If I could live the rest of my life never having to ride in a car again, I absolutely would do that, but I’m priced out of every major US city with half-way decent transit, so consider this a PSA to vote for public transit socialists. Thx
The Jurassic Park gates got that King Kong* feel and I am once again asking why no one ever knows what genre movie they are in.
*Another tale about the dangers of empire and colonialism. Coincidence? With Spielberg et al at the helm, definitely not
lol I just said to myself that the dude who plays Gennaro doesn’t age because twenty years later he looks exactly the same, bothering poor Mr. Jason Bourne. That’s ye olde face blindness coming to play because Google informs me those are not the same man. Same vibe tho and I stand by it.
The tour narrator sounds like Richard Motherfuckin’ Kiley BECAUSE IT IS. Know why? Because Hammond “spared no expense.” (But srsly, if you’ve not seen it, do yourself a favor and watch the Separate But Equal miniseries about Brown v. Board.)
The tour narration for the dilophosaurus enclosure is yet more excellent exposition/foreshadowing. (I was so engrossed in the architecture that I almost forgot Nedry, who should be wreaking havoc in just a bit)
“Item 151 on today’s glitch list.” Again. Hammond, dude, come on.
Nedry! “You think that kind of automation is easy? Or cheap?” Here’s my issue. If that’s the case, why was your bid so low, Nedry? Sure, Hammond is a cheap POS, but if you wanted to be paid more, you shouldn’t have undercut yourself, my guy.
The detail that Nedry has been dicking around playing chess on his computer and doesn’t even bother to hide it is great, though.
Am I the only one who thought Hammond was literally Nedry’s dad because they missed the sarcasm in “Thanks, Dad”? No? Just me then.
Now we have the goat lure in the T-Rex paddock for some more exposition. Again: excellent.
“Now eventually you might have dinosaurs on your dinosaur tour, yes?” Hold onto your (perky) butt, Jeff Goldblum!
I firmly believe that I would have overcome my learning disability if Ian Malcom had taught my math classes. I’d have been in there with y = mx+ b on my eyelids in eyeliner, slowblinking at him like that student in Dr. Jones’ lecture. To establish trust. Like cats.
Fun fact, my Natural Hazards professor used this scene between Sattler and Malcolm with the water as an example of how our understanding of 100 year and 1000 year floods has been rendered obsolete by climate change.
lol at Malcolm talking to himself in the Explorer. Chaos, indeed
If I ever decided to go into academia, I’d be mining this movie for every fact pattern for every torts exam for the rest of my career because what do you mean there aren’t locks on the car doors MY GOD
The trike looks so beautiful I could cry. I want to hug her so bad. Practical effects 5ever
Can we talk about how competent Sattler is? She is such a freaking badass.
I guess we can add West Indian Lilac as item 153 on the list of shit that is wrong with this place. JFC.
Item 154 is Hammond having a temper tantrum because he can’t leave his grandchildren in SUVs during a hurricane. Grandfather of the year, this one.
Just an aside about item 153—is this plot point addressed in the novel this film is based on? The screenplay glosses over it and I’d love to know the significance of this issue beyond it providing yet another example of how Hammond has been cutting corners and/or reckless
You know, I was wondering how Nedry was going to secrete a can of Barbasol into his place of work without it looking really suspicious, but I had no reason to worry. The man is a slob. Just looking at his desk gave me cholera
Nedry couldn’t be any more obvious if he tried. It’s giving my kid brother at age four that time he told our mom “Someone drew on [Hypatia’s] wall with crayons.” Gee, I wonder what could really be going on with all that!!!
This scene establishing that Malcolm is a dad (and also endearingly emotionally messy) is sending me
Hammond really is cheap. Just the one camera surveilling the egg lab? C’mon son!
As a bespectacled girlie (who wears the same model as Nedry) I feel very seen at his glasses fogging up
I love everything about the way Malcolm and Grant interact with each other. These characters feel lived in. I buy that these are real people. Same goes for Lex and Tim. They feel like real siblings. I believe them!
Do you think Blue Man Group got the idea for liquid-based percussion from the water rippling in this scene?
Oh haaaaaay, it’s my girl, the T-Rex!!!! Look at those pearly whites. What a beauty! <3
Gennaro is such a little pissant. And I can’t believe he thinks a dinosaur that size is going to be stopped by a latrine Hammond probably had built of popsicle sticks because he’s so fucking cheap
In this next sequence, I’m probably not going to be live posting much because it is just too good. I’m going to be enthralled. Sorry.
How do the effects still look this good!?
I love that they established that Malcolm is a dad who loves kids because it makes his hero moment with the flare all the more impactful
Sattler’s tenacity is on display again by deciding to join Muldoon in searching for the tour participants and I. Am. Ob. Sessed. With. Her. She is so unbelievably fearless. LOVE her
I’m sorry, but the “dilophosaurus” showing up in Nedry’s car like the villain in a slasher film is comedy gold. It’s probably not meant to be, but I lost it.
Y’all the scene of the SUV in the tree with Grant and Tim trying to escape its trajectory is TENSE and it only works this well because of the practical effects. The threat feels real because that is an actual factual Ford Explorer crashing through the branches of a tree.
I get that Malcolm took his belt off to tourniquet his leg, but why/how did his shirt get open? I know it couldn’t have been the T-Rex because her arms are too short.
Sattler gets to express fear, terror, anguish, and despair, yet her emotion never once detracts from the sense that she is an unmitigated badass. Laura Dern, the woman you are.
Every beat in the scene with the T-Rex chasing the Jeep and gaining on it because Malcolm backs into the stick, forcing the transmission into a lower gear—from Sattler’s blood-curdling scream to Muldoon’s smirk at the thrill of the chase—is perfect. The “objects in mirror” bit is I C O N I Q U E
Grant taking care of the kids is so tender. The way he tosses the raptor claw, the symbol of his disdain for that kid at the dig site, is a great callback too that establishes his character growth
Even with the knowledge his grandkids are at the mercy of every dinosaur between that destroyed Ford Explorer and the visitor’s center, Hammond is still fixated on his legacy. What. A. Prick. Talk about a metaphor for septuagenarians+ in politics gambling our future away!
Hammond wouldn’t work half as well if he weren’t played by the adorable Richard Attenborough. His arrogance and callousness are disguised by his seemingly benign grandfatherliness. Yet how many of the people in positions of trust hide self-interest behind refinement and the authority associated with age?
The man himself is an illusion, just like all the so-called titans of industry who form the archetype at the foundation of Hammond’s character. And like those titans, we have to ask what’s behind the curtain that they don’t want us to see? What’s the truth of the effete grandfather in white linen?
The truth is that he’s a vainglorious monster, and to hell with anyone and everyone around him so long as he gets his way
Enough of my morose musings about capitalists (for now) because wouldn’t you know it, Grant found EGGS. Why? West African frogs.
6 yo me: 1
Malcolm: 1
Jurassic Park scientists: 0 (I have a well-developed petty bone, okay? It’s congenital)
Lex is offended at being called a computer nerd and wants to be called a hacker instead. Look, kid, let’s have realistic expectations, okay? Best you’re going to get is “geek.” And you know what? You should embrace it. Geeks are going to have a moment in about fifteen years.
I SEE buttons on Ian Malcolm’s shirt so I know the shirt can be closed, yet the man’s got his tiddies out. I could not have predicted that. Chaotician, indeed.
I promise I’ll get back to the substance of the film in a second, but I’d like to amend my earlier plea that we bring back little shorts for dudes: can we also bring back chest hair? The clean-shaven thing is weird. Humans are mammals. Mammals have hair. There ain’t nothing wrong with it. It’s sexy
Can we corral every director shooting pitch black night/dark scenes and show them this scene of the control room bathed in blue emergency lighting? Because guess what—even tho the only lighting is from the hallway, NOT ONLY CAN I STILL SEE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE CLEARLY, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE ART!!!
Idk it seems like a design flaw that you wouldn’t put the circuit breakers in the building where the circuits are, but I’m not an architect or an electrician or trying to run a theme park full of creatures that evolved mouths full of serrated bones, I’m just a gal who’s replaced a light fixture before
Sattler is off to save everyone and solve sexism once and for all, and I am STRESSED for her because the raptors are out of their enclosure and as we remember from Grant traumatizing that child, the raptors are masters of triangulation. Just like my ex who worked at Cravath. We all make mistakes.
At this point in the proceedings, no one has yet to inform Sattler, Malcolm, or Grant that the reason they are here, risking their lives, is because Hammond got a man killed, which is why his investors threatened to pull their funding unless he demonstrates the Park is safe! This, kids, is called fraud in the inducement and I am once again hoping someone will write a legal thriller/courtroom drama about the aftermath of this shitfuckery.
I straight up forgot that Tim gets electrocuted! I had a moment where I thought there was no way he would get shocked and then I remembered Spielberg killed off that Kintner kid in Jaws
Why did these kids climb the fence at all? At the risk of summoning the Well Actually Brigade and starting a thirty-year debate akin to the one about the door in Titanic, these children would have fit right through those wires.
“Clever girl.” Again, iconic. RIP Muldoon, avatar of British empire. We will miss your slutty little knees.
Grant is in full dad mode now with these kids; it’s incredibly sweet.
Can I tell you a secret? I was scared to spend the night at my grandma’s for the longest time after I first saw this movie because all her doors had handles instead of knobs. Also that XKCD about windows lives rent free in my head
The editing in the kitchen sequence is extraordinary. The cuts between the practical effects and CGI are practically seamless. I’m talking Playtex-put-a-man-on-the-moon levels of seam allowance
Yay, Lex finally gets to be useful and she’s genuinely awesome!!! “It’s a Unix system, I know this.” You’re still a geek, kid. (Complimentary) Question for computery people, is this really what Unix was like back then?
I laughed at Grant kicking the ladder away even though he’s. not. wrong. I fully believe those raptors could climb that thing. (Now I’m imagining one holding the base while the other climbs and—oops!—the third saunters UNDER the ladder. That’s seven years bad luck, chica
The rotunda resembles a temple sanctuary housing a sculpture of its patron god. Some ancient traditions believed that if you left sacrifices in the temple, the avatar of the god would come to life, while others believed the living god would materialize.
And what do we have here? We’ve got two tasty raptors offered to the T-Rex whose representation dominates the sanctuary. And then—BAM!—the living T-Rex is summoned in a Dino Ex Machina. The banner coming down as the humans flee is just icing on the cake. Unbelievable visual storytelling.
Hammond, in his hubris, thought he was building a temple to his dominion. Instead he reaffirmed the primacy of the old gods. (Like I said, the Ancient Greeks would love him.)
But the movie doesn’t end here! It ends with everyone getting to da choppah, where Hammond desolately gazes into his mosquito encased in amber. He almost lost his grandchildren, yet he’s still most upset about his legacy.
Grant on the other hand is offering paternal affection and comfort to Tim and Lex. I’m not sure how the law around this all works—it’s not my area of expertise—but I’m pretty sure he gets to keep them now, right?
Finally, we get a view out the window of the helicopter where we see what we would, in the absence of dinosaurs, would consider “exotic” and majestic fauna capable of inspiring awe and wonder. Then we literally ride into the sunset. And that’s Jurassic Park!
Idk about you but I had a blast. From characters to dialogue to pacing to effects to soundtrack, it’s a near-perfect movie that is a classic for a reason.
The end!