Liveblog of Jaws (1975)

I recently liveblogged Jaws on Bluesky and thought I would share those immediate, knee-jerk impressions here, too, for any interested subscribers who are not on that platform. I’m quite new to liveblogging media, so please let me know if there’s something I should do differently!

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1. Since everyone is talking about the 50th anniversary of Jaws, I’ve decided to watch it for the first time. Live skeet thread here.

2. Oh wow, look at that Universal logo. Remember MCA? Those were the days.

3. Strong start with the musical theme accompanying the opening credits. This underwater cinematography is gorgeous.

4. You rarely see actor credits at the start of films now. Look at all these names! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Richard Dreyfuss in anything, so I’m excited to find out why everyone likes him so much.

5. Pitch perfect opening scene. I love when teenagers get to be teenagers on screen and it reads as wholesome instead of immoral.

6. Well, shit, I take that back. This girl is gonna die and it’s because she’s a floozy who got naked to go skinny dipping while tipsy. Look, swimming when you’ve been drinking isn’t a good idea. But I don’t think she deserves the death penalty for being a carefree (possibly) sexual being.

7. No bra under her shirt. The seventies must have been so rad.

8. Oh this dude is so drunk. Oh no.

9. This ostinato has me shitting bricks right now so to distract myself, I want to call out two things:

   1. the swimming and beach sets are dark! and yet! I CAN SEE EVERYTHING

   2. the underwater shot is gorgeous. It looks like a painting AND! I! can! see! the! details! even though it is dark!

10. OH THAT’S A FUCKING SHARK

11. Listen, that moment where she grabs the buoy and you think she just might make it? Brilliant. More brilliant? The wide shot of the buoy on the unbroken surface of the water after she is dragged under. Chilling.

12. New characters, okay! (How very Law & Order of Stevie.) This couple has so much sex, Jesus Christ. Look at the way they look at each other. They talk like a real couple, too. None of this “hey husband, hey wife” writing for these two. Also, can we talk about how they look? They’re not perfect. They’re normal. It’s hot.

13. This family is a d o r a b l e. I am immediately invested. The New York accents help. I’m homesick—sue me.

14. Oh my god this child wants to go swimming with an open wound. Haven’t you watched a single episode of shark week!?

15. Brody is off to investigate! If this film were made today, that poor girl’s mangled body would have been front and center. I love that the victim is off screen until the shot of the crabs, and even then, although it’s not gory, it is still horrific.

16. You know what I like about the writing? This feels like a play. The dialogue is top-notch. (That “shark attack” close-up on the typewriter would not have worked on the stage, though. It’s great. 10/10. My blood pressure is already climbing and I don’t think it’s the salty fries I’m eating)

17. This town is some Cabot Cove-ass shit. Are we about to run into Jessica Fletcher? (You know, I’m not sure about her. I think she’s actually the one who killed all those people.)

18. Is the dude wearing the summer wool blazer in an anchor print the mayor, because that’s a mayor move right there. I could see Eric Adams wearing a suit made of images of Pizza Rat to try to be cool. Anyway, I already hate him. His tailoring is good though.

19. The storytelling here is so tight. The town doesn’t have beach closed signs. I’ve never seen this but if that’s not foreshadowing, I will eat my . . . I don’t have a hat. In the spirit of fairness, I will take recommendations about what to eat instead. (Please don’t be weird/gross?)

20. Oy vey, the Brooks Brothers Brigade has shown up. That’s never good. To close the beaches, “technically you need a civic ordinance.” My public health antennae just telescoped out my skull, straight into the stratosphere. Kids, this is now a showdown between 2 types of decision-making: the precautionary principle & economic harm

21. I’ll let you guess which of the two types of decision-making I think should be used in a situation where people are litchrully dying. (Hint: It’s not the one that puts money first.)

22. “Amity is a summer town, we need summer dollars.” Oh cripes—talk to me about the Covid pandemic without talking to me about the Covid pandemic!

23. “We’ve never had that kind of trouble in these waters.” Past performance is no guarantee of future results, sir. Also are you aware that your jacket is tucked into your pants pocket? Ugh, this buffoon.

24. Alright, see this exchange here about how the original ME report said it was a shark attack and now the ME says, “We’ll have to amend our reports,” this is called changing the evidence to fit the hypothesis. In the civil context, this is fraud. In the case of the government IT IS A CRIME.

25. These jabronis. These absolute putzes.

26. The Mayor comes in with “It’s all psychological. You yell barracuda, everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell shark, we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.” ::flames on the side of my face::

27. I. Am. Fuming. To be clear: this is gaslighting! The number of times I’ve had people tell me my Long-Covid symptoms are all in my head only for me to finally obtain bloodwork and ope! would you look at that! deficiencies up the ass!

28. Implicit in the mayor’s statement is an admonishment that “we can’t live in fear” and that the “beach closed” sign would inspire fear in the populace. Not to keep harping on the Covid of it all, but do you know how many people see me, minding my own business while wearing a facemask and tell me unprompted that “we can’t live in fear”? Only one of us is afraid and it ain’t me because I’m not swimming in the infection soup.

29. Switching gears now before you get sick of me, I love the transition this ferry scene provides. So good.

30. God, Roy Scheider can get it. Those aviators? Hello.

31. All these people at the beach living their best lives. That dog playing fetch? That child kinda sorta body surfing? ARE YOU STRESSED BECAUSE I AM STRESSED.

32. OH NO WHERE IS THE DOG. NOOOO THE OSTINATO IS BACK

33. NO NOT THE ADORABLE CHILD. NO. JUST. NO.

34. So, um, spoilers. Obviously. Sorry. But it’s also been 50 years, so.

35. Question: this place is called Amity. Is this where the “Amityville horror” line comes from in media? I feel like there’s so much culture we absorb through osmosis even if we’ve never seen something. Like “we’re gonna need a bigger boat” or “I am your father”

36. Town meeting time! I was prepared to get salty about the fact that this committee is all men and then all these motherfuckers who were JUST AT THE BEACH AND SAW THE FIN AND THE BLOOD AND A CHILD IS DEAD yet they WANT THE BEACHES OPEN. Verily, I say unto thee, this film was prophetic. Capital doesn’t care how many lives it sacrifices for profit

37. This dude with the hand clawing the chalkboard like some kind of monster? Very intense.

38. Oh wow that’s Robert Shaw! Talk about an introduction (and presence).

39. lol Chief Brody obsessively researching sharks is me and all my Covid conscious girlies reading all the scientific literature about bird flu, RSV, measles, etc. Shoutout to the lay people who value scientific knowledge

40. Why are these dudes with the roast sitting on this janky old pier with a chain wrapped around it like a great white won’t simply rip the pier off its moorings? Characters are so frustrating because they never understand what genre they’re in.

41. OH LOOK THE SHARK RIPPED THE PIER FROM ITS MOORINGS WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS? I swear to god if this shark doesn’t turn around and drag the pier back toward this other guy, it’s a wasted scene

42. Steven Spielberg you beautiful genius. I will never doubt you again

43. I would watch an entire film of these two dudes Doing Dude Things using the roast as a lure. They’re feel like the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of this movie and if they don’t become main characters at some point, I need to know what they’re up to while everything else is going on.

44. Also, the roast scene reminds me of the one with the goat in Jurassic Park (complimentary). I know the influence was definitely the other way around but JP is my frame of reference never having seen Jaws before.

45. Okay, I know the lore about why they used the shark so little in the movie and I gotta say, I love creative movie making. Brody flipping through these high-res photos of sharks as part of his research is building excellent tension here

46. New character and it’s the oceanographer. Matt Hooper looks like every guy I dated who lived in Brooklyn between 2011 and 2015. Mistakes were made, okay?

47. I’m sorry—are these men just dropping meat from these small boats covered in blood and planning to dynamite the shark? This is why men have a lower life expectancy than women.

48. I just need to point out that instead of doing the rational thing by closing the beach for a day or two so the shark loses interest and finds somewhere else to feed, these pendejos are chumming the waters, which will only encourage the shark to stick around. They’re also doing this as recklessly as possible.

49. So the takeaway here is they want the quick fix that maximizes profit over the sure fix that maximizes safety. This is exactly how the US handled the Covid pandemic and continues to not address it.

50. I also want to say that these dudes would rather do an objectively dangerous thing that is ostentatious and “macho” than the objectively useful thing that is quiet. That reminds me of how all the preppers lost their minds in the early days of the pandemic at being asked to stay home to flatten the curve because they wanted to, idk, Mad Max it out in the streets instead

51. OK back to the film—Matt Hooper. I take it back, Matt, you would not be a mistake. You are perfection. You know Reagan’s nine most terrifying words? He was so wrong. Government is great. This is who you want in government. (This is who you had in government before the GOP’s autogolpe. Support federal workers, folks.)

52. Back in town now

    1. That is so obviously not the shark, it’s too small.

    2. I have an essay’s worth of thoughts about these white folks rolling up into the shark’s neighborhood and killing the first one they find as retribution, but I’ll spare y’all

    3. oh hey, remember local journalism (RIP)

53. The hubris of these people posed with the innocent shark. I need to take a mango sorbet break. BRB.

54. The ADR on “tiger shark” is so bad ROFL.

55. Mrs. Kintner was so right to slap Brody. She should slap the mayor too. (Can someone roll up to Cuomo and confront him about all the viejitos in the assisted living facilities he chose to sacrifice? That asshole deserves it)

56. Again, doing more with less—the necropsy is about the characters’ reactions instead of the gore (even though it’s disgusting as hell with the ::full body cringe:: juices) because of the frame. Today, there would be a CGI shark on a slab NCIS style and it would be far less effective

57. Hooper and Brody are off to look for the shark at night for some reason??? Matt, stay on the boat. Matthew. Why do you have to “check their hull”? No. Don’t do it.

58. “Don’t worry, nothing’s gonna happen.” What are you talking about, you are hunting a shark that already ate two people and probably a dog— WHY ARE YOU GOING IN THE WATER!?

59. That jump scare got me, not gonna lie. I was expecting a shark, not one-eyed water-logged Mitch McConnell. I screamed.

60. Mayor McCapital is back and for some reason he is still wearing the same jacket. Does he only have the one or does the mayor of Amity have to wear a little uniform that identifies him as Chief Asshole?

61. Ay Dios Mio the mayor is upset because people are talking about the shark! See, the problem isn’t the thing that’s killing people, it’s the people talking about the thing that’s killing people. It’s rocking the boat (sorry) that’s the problem.

62. Matt’s description of the shark boils down to “all that machine does is swim and eat and fuck.” I appreciate Richard Dreyfuss breaking down the enchantments of fully automated luxury gay space communism for Mayor Asshat

63. This paso doble between the footage of tourists arriving on the island and Brody and Hooper trying to get this shark before it kills anyone else is very effective. I am once again stressed AF

64. The mayor wants people in the water so he’s pressuring them to get it. DON’T DO IT LARRY. If the mayor is so worried that people aren’t in the water, why doesn’t HE go in? (Answer: for the same reason all our bosses wanted us back in the office while they got to keep working remotely—we are disposable)

65. The lack of soundtrack music in this scene is spiking my anxiety. All we have is the diegetic carnival music and the sounds of splashing in the water. Somehow this is worse than the ostinato

66. The mayor saying “my kids were on that beach too” is so classic. Privileged people never care about anything plaguing the poors until it becomes personal for them.

67. Alright, Robert Shaw is back and he’s been hired to hunt the shark. While I don’t think the shark deserves that, Quint is my new favorite character.

68. Quint’s boat is called the “Orca.” 11/10. No notes.

69. This whole sequence with Quint readying himself as the line tightens is really fucking good. The clicking winch reminds me a bit of the proximity sensors in Aliens

70. What do you mean it’s gone under the boat, Quint!?

71. I was hoping this is when they would say The Line about boat size, but I guess not. Instead we get Richard Dreyfuss being hilarious. I’ll take it.

72. Okay actually The Line works way better here. Holy shit that was tense. I thought Brody was done for.

73. Shitfaced Quint and Matt comparing battle scars is pure art. But Brody pointing out his appendix scar as his sole contribution? Genuinely LOL at this

74. HOLY SHIT QUINT’S MONOLOGUE

75. THAT WAS SO INTENSE

76. See, now, only men would get drunk while waiting for a 25 foot shark to resurface and be so wasted that they don’t hear the shark ::checks notes:: bodyslamming on the hull to be let in

77. This third act(?) Captain Ahab sequence is reminiscent of a haunted house movie. I do not like haunted house movies. I have been hiding behind the couch cushions and whispering “what the fuuuuck” to myself on a loop for what feels like several hours. In actuality, it’s probably been ten minutes.

78. At this point I’m more afraid of Robert Shaw than of the shark. He’s terrifying

79. The boat is definitely sinking and now Richard Dreyfuss is getting in the shark cage. I’m so stressed out. I’m going to pause this to lie down on the floor and hyperventilate

80. OH ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT WHY IS THIS MAN STICKING HIS ARM OUT OF THE CAGE WHEN THERE IS A SHARK BENT ON VENGEANCE

81. To the tune of Mr. Brightside:

    Matt Hooper’s in a cage and I am not doing fine
    Gotta, gotta hide behind the sofa or a wall
    It started out with a swim, how did it end up like this?
    It was only a swim, it was only a swim

82. Now I'm straight panicking ‘cause he’s dropping the knife
    While Bruce mauls at the steel and I scream for my life
    Now the Orca’s sinking and that stomach was Quint’s

83. And it comes to a head, but Roy’s cocking his

    Gun now, he lets off a

    Shot now, oh shit no

    And I just can’t look, it’s scaring me

    They’re sinking for sure

84. Hold up, why is “We’re gonna need a bigger boat” the line everyone quotes and not “Smile you sonuvabitch”?

85. My commentary tapered off a bit there because I was so engrossed that I could not bring myself to tear my eyes away (as I peered through the couch cushions). I am not sure about the ending, but I get why this film is a classic, even if it really is more of a two-act story. Brilliant. I’m so glad I watched it!

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Fin. Hah.